Tunnel Vision

We have a silly tradition in our family. I don’t even now how it got started, but it seems that Jeff and the children decided it was proper tunnel etiquette or something. This is it: we literally scream our way through tunnels across the country! Silly, to be sure- but fun! Here is how it goes: as the tunnel appears, the entire family rolls down every window of the car, sticks our heads out of them and screams like crazy until we reach daylight on the other end! All the way through the tunnel our voices echo and bounce around in an unmelodious manner. Bruskly, the screeching comes to a sudden halt as we exit the tunnel leaving only our echoes to greet other travelers. We always manage to break into quiet happy giggles afterward; I couldn’t tell you why exactly, just that we do.

I suspect that what makes this tradition so fun is that it is so uncharacteristic of our otherwise ‘proper’ lives. In the darkness of the tunnel, with no one looking, we can 'let it all hang out' in a harmless way. All it ever takes is for one voice to sound the alarm, “tunnel!” and all windows are instantly put down with every head positioned silently beside the open windows anticipating the darkness of the tunnel. Then, suddenly, without hardly another breath, comes the vision of the tunnel entry! In unison we blast, “Ahhhhhhhhh!” all the way through to the other side. As the first ray of light strikes the car’s front bumper, voices halt and windows silently return to their traveling position.

We have literally screamed our way from Florida to New York, New York to Oklahoma, Ohio to Oklahoma, Oklahoma to Arizona, Texas to Alabama and every state and tunnel along the way. Probably we have left behind in each tunnel just a small load of worries, cares and frustrations.

I love to travel. Something inside me gets itching to go- to see- to experience. I always come back home refreshed and re-energized with new creative energy. But these days any type of “get away” is not so easy to come by. I often feel as though our lives are so inundated by Alzheimer’s disease that the rest of the world almost eludes us right now. It is as though the tunnel never ends, the light never reappears, and the windows never get put back to the travel position. No giggles at the end of the tunnel- not yet. Just darkness echoing our screams!

Like tonight, Susan believed her purse was stolen and she wanted to call the police. She wouldn’t let dinner proceed peacefully until she got her way. She threw curses around as if she were a drunken sailor and this were a saloon she had just happened into at port. Jeff had worked all day and was tired and I was excited that he was home. All we wanted was to enjoy a peaceful dinner together and all Susan wanted was to get us all stirred up about this imaginary robbery!

We have learned that we must choose not to let it ALL be about Susan. Frustrated with Susan’s inability to be civil, I asked Jeff not to engage her at all. I turned to Susan and firmly looked into her face while informing her that this was my house and that she would not speak that way to my husband or any of the rest of us! Next, I informed her that there would be NO cursing at this dinner table!

Although she looked at me as though she understood, she continued as though she dared anyone to stop her. She griped about the money and the black purse (which she doesn’t have) and the thieving neighbors until finally Jeff escorted her (kicking and screaming) back to her room. He locked her door and we finished our dinner in peace. We don’t see any other options when her behavior becomes so unpleasant and unruly.

We think we have learned what works and what doesn’t as time has gone on. The tricky thing is, about the time we have it figured out, something changes or worsens or we are faced with a new dilemma that requires a totally new solution. “Ahhhhhhhhhh!!”