Saturday, June 26, 2010

Another Night on the Prairie


(Note: Susan has Sundowners. Basically, she is more confused and irritable in the evenings. Really, it can hit her anytime after noon and on overcast days. Apparently this syndrome is common among Alzheimers sufferers. Even after a fairly normal morning, any afternoon can turn into total chaos. Here is an example of an afternoon with Susan.)

"I’m gonna go now, Karen.” Susan informs me as she velcro's her sneakers. “Where do you think you are going, Susan?” I ask to be courteous. “I’m gonna go home now so I can go to bed.” I know what to say next; I have it memorized. I also know it doesn’t work, but I start in: “You know you live here in this house with Jeff and me now. Your room is right there- through the doors and to the left. If you are tired you can go ahead and lie down.”

“I know, Karen,” she starts. I don’t understand why she always says that. She says she knows, but she doesn’t know. If she knew, she would quit trying to go somewhere else. She says it as though she is comforting me when I am hurt! “I know Karen, it will be okay!” Maybe she sensed that the pitch changed in my voice when she started getting ready to go ‘home’ AGAIN!

She smoothly adds, “I just need to get home. I’ll come back in the morning. Could you give me a ride? It isn’t far.” My brain reminds me what the ‘professionals’ say- play along; my gut tells me not to say another word! My compassion takes over, “Susan, you have no other home. There is no place to go. You have lived here in Jeff’s home for two years now!” Her voice portraits that she pities me for being so ridiculous, “No Karen, I have my home. My daddy and mommy are there. They will worry if I don’t come home.” “Susan, your parents are no longer there, that is why you live with Jeff and me. You are seventy-four now. Remember when Inang lived with you and Dad? She didn’t go back to the Philippines anymore; you took care of her, remember?” “Yes Karen. But I do have a home. I need to go there. I have brothers and sisters. My father is going to be mad since he prepared the house for me!” My mind wanders as her mouth rattles on with details…I wonder is she reminiscing or preminiscing? I think about the Father above preparing a home for Susan and I wonder which father she is really speaking of.

(Later that evening)
Hours pass and persistent Susan is now yelling at me through the grotto doors. Her voice never seems to weaken. “Karen! Come on; open the door; I’ve got to see Mommy! She needs me real bad; she is sick and I will probably take her to the hospital!” Suddenly her voice hardens, “Karen! I know you are there and I know you hear me! That is not nice! Now open the door! Come on! Open the door!”

She has always been a stubborn woman, but her persistence reminds me of why protecting her is so important. Without a doubt, if she were not safely secured behind the grotto doors tonight, as sure as I am telling this, she would be walking down the street as darkness rolled across the sky…just walking… and walking… 'home’. I know because she has done it over and over. So far I have always been close behind and my hope is that we will always keep her safe- safe from herself and her own confusion.

(The last few photos are representative of Susan's confusion. On that particular May afternoon she was attempting to find her way home with a few treasured belongings in her hands. She stood by the country road as if she were waiting for a city bus. When none came to escort her to Florida, I finally convinced her to come back inside.)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Great Escapes

Another silver alert was issued last week in Oklahoma. Seventy-one year old John Santos walked right out of his home, locked the front door and walked down the sidewalk. He was not seen or heard from for six days. His concerned family says he is friendly and can have a conversation with anyone. Mr Santos is in the early stages of Alzheimers.

The news reports that his family will now consider a monitoring device. I wonder if I should consider one for Susan as well. It seems that I watch over her like a mother hen, but once in an unexpected while Susan escapes all eyes and ears and even all logic. She gets out! In fact, she proved that again to us last week.

We have had houseguests for several weeks. Ted (Jeff’s best friend) and his lovely wife Megan arrived here about a week after the May 10th tornado (to help us rebuild). We appreciate our good friends and are thankful for this time together. Both of them are especially patient and helpful with Susan since they care for Ted’s father, who suffers the same.

Back to Susan’s great escape: One night when Ted got up to use the bathroom, he thought he heard Jeff stirring around in the kitchen. He knew it couldn’t be Susan because she was locked behind the grotto door in the same hall with him and Megan. Every time they come and go from their guest room on the east side of the house, they are careful to lock and relock the grotto door. He knew it was locked.

Since Jeff was apparently also unable to sleep, Ted called out for him, “Hey Jeff!” Jeff did not answer. Instead, (and much to Ted’s surprise) Susan appeared on the other side of the grotto door! “Susan! What are you doing out there?” he questioned, almost not believing his eyes. “Well, I am locked out and I cannot get back in!” Susan whispered. Ted’s eyes went immediately to the lock, which was now broken in half! “You broke the lock, Susan!" Indeed she had broken the lock.And after doing so, she closed the door and put the lock back in place, making it look as though it were still locked!

Susan is persistent. She is not intimidated by locked doors; oh no, not her! In fact, if she wiggles jiggles and finagles long enough, anything can happen! In Susan’s hand she held the broken piece to the lock alongside a white hinge to something totally unrelated to the grotto door; it was the size that might be off of a cabinet door. But I have searched cabinets, furniture, and entry doors for a missing hinge as if I were looking to replace a lost puzzle piece. But so far, the home of the mysterious hinge is just Susan’s secret!

This story makes us all laugh when we talk about it around here. But the scary part is not the fact that Susan had rummaged through the kitchen to her hearts delight, it is the fact that she had tried to get out the front door! It is almost impossible to fully protect her, no matter how hard we work at it. I like knowing that God has his eye on her even when we cannot.

Well, our grotto door is temporarily strung with a bicycle lock. As for Mr. Santos, he has been found alive and well. I saw him interviewed on the news last night. He said he was looking for that hamburger joint! He even stated that he will look again once things settle down. He said that he just gets confused sometimes but eventually his brain puts it together and he remembers. The Alzheimer’s Association was getting him an identification bracelet to wear. Hmmmm. Sounds like a good idea.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Changing Views

I love a window seat. From my small airplane seat, I can look down at the local geography... then at the clouds... and eventually the upper atmosphere of my world. It is a whole new perspective from up there. My life and town are just a small part of the big picture. Even the massiveness of Mt. Fuji was dwarfed in significance as (years ago) we flew overhead. Although, from the ground it dominates the Japanese skyline and demands respect as it rises magnificently in the eastern sky.

Today I am not escaping on an airplane; no, I am not headed to a grand destination. But if I were, I am sure that as I left the Will Roger’s Airport (directly west of my Oklahoma neighborhood), I would observe a scattered path of destruction making its way across the landscape. A line of downed trees and dangling houses would guide the eye through the midst of the destruction, where people (like ants) could be seen working diligently to clean up and rebuild.

In the middle of it all, I would look down at my own partially repaired house with its new roof and half-finished siding. I would see my family still outside cleaning debris, installing new siding and rebuilding our home and lives. We seem to be doing that far too often these days. There would be me, alone in the middle of the silent aftermath of tornado alley, working peacefully on my own little piece of this bigger world. Me, nearly silent while I am living life as it comes my way, taking care to take care: of things, of people and of myself.

What would not be seen from the window view would be Susan.
No, Susan is not out and about much these post-tornado days. She has been especially confused since the twister hit our community over three weeks ago. Who could blame her? She never did like change! Yet, change has been inescapable these past twenty-five days. Even Susan’s view from her chair at the kitchen table where she sits and looks out at the weather, her flowers and the trees – is unrecognizable. Nothing looks the same as it did one hour before the tornado hit!

Susan’s little world was visually jolted in a whirlwind! She reminds me of Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz! I've half expected her to announce, “Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore!” From the time she walked out of her shelter on May tenth, nothing has looked like she struggled to remembered it! Markers that once told her she was almost home are no longer there to guide her way. A drive around the block is filled with missing houses(demolitioned) and others that are crippled or patched; once familiar roads are now edged with debris piles and tree branches. Trees that once pointed the way home are now fallen and broken.

Susan keeps asking us to take her home; she is tired
and needs to rest in a familiar place. She says that she appreciates our hospitality and that she will come back to visit tomorrow, but for today (each day) she needs to get home and take care of pressing business: her baby needs to be fed, her children need to eat, her husband will wonder where she is or her house needs her attention. I think about telling her to follow the yellow brick road- just follow the yellow brick……..

She finds the fact that she has lived here for nearly two years incomprehensible. No way could she have lived in this unfamiliar place so long. A few times I have convinced her to sit outside while we work on rebuilding projects, but she wiggles with discomfort and always manipulates her way back inside. It is as though she is afraid of finding the witch’s feet protruding from underneath our house! :) Her bedroom is her comfort zone. It has not changed.

Since there is no wizard here, I suppose it is up to me to help Susan rediscover a new normal- that is, after I find it myself! Things should settle down soon and this family will resume living; then again, I guess that is really what we are doing- taking life as it comes and flexing to deal with change. It’s all-good in the end. Really it is.