Caregivers Everywhere

This whole catastrophe in Haiti is such a sad thing to observe. Something inside of me (and probably most of you) wants to get there quickly and help out! I picture myself making my way through the rubble looking for that crying helpless person who is alone and needs me. I could bring them water, bandage their wounds, rock their babies, pray with them, build them a safe shelter, make them a comfortable bed and so on. Then I think to myself, “Isn’t that what I am doing right here?" Who needs to go to Haiti when I’ve got this needy person right here in my own home?

Like on Nine Eleven, I think this Haiti earthquake tragedy will bring out the best in people. I hope so anyway. I love seeing human beings really caring for others. It is obvious during a world crisis how much caregivers, rescuers, and workers are needed. But I say that every day all around us care giving happens. I have learned that these past five years as I have been thrown into places and situations where I have witnessed endless heroic acts that never made the headlines! Heroes caring for loved ones, not giving up on someone that the medical community or the insurance companies want to give up on. If I were to tell their stories I would have to begin by telling mine. Maybe I will attempt to do so in a forthcoming blog. But right now I just want to highlight one couple that has become heroes of Jeff’s and mine.

Ted has been Jeff’s best friend for about twenty-eight years now. Megan is his young beautiful wife. They live in Michigan and have basically devoted their days and put their own dreams on hold in their effort to care for his parents. The circumstances are complicated and the story is long and incredible, certainly too long to tell here; however, the more of the story one knows the more this act of caregiving is admirable.

Ted and his two brothers were adopted as young boys after extreme neglect and abuse and being tossed about in the foster care system. Three boys is a lot to take on no matter how you look at it, but the new parents now had three strong backs to work hard on the land. The truth is, this band of brothers were just glad to be together since hardship was something they were already too familiar with. After all, they did go to school and they had clothes and food; this was more then they had ever had before.

A friendship between Jeff and Ted began during their military years. Perhaps it was Ted’s need for a role model to look up to or Jeff's need for a true and honest friend to laugh with that brought about the bond. Whatever it was, I respected it and was always thankful they had one another. Most of this friendship has taken place long distance as we both traveled with the Air Force and eventually Ted returned to beautiful Michigan to settle.

Across the miles Jeff cheered Ted on through a marriage, the birth of his three children, and a successful career. And when his marriage failed and a painful custody battle ensued, Jeff encouraged him to fight on. So years later when we traveled to Michigan to witness his marriage to beautiful Megan, we couldn’t have been happier. He deserved something really good for a change and we all rejoiced at this breath of fresh air permeating their lives. So the recent announcement of a pregnancy gave us all the more to rejoice about!

Ted is one of those guys that you hope and pray the best for but wonder why, from birth, life keeps kicking in his bubble. It seems, he and his good-hearted wife are really devoting themselves to doing what is right. Three meals a day they make and serve to his aging parents, they rescue his dad in emergencies and keep him safe as his mind fails. They clean feces up for his mother who fails physically and refuses to properly care for her self. Although Ted has a business to run, this caring for these two very different ailments of his parents also requires a full time commitment. Ted and Megan have sat alone at the hospital bedside of their father since Ted’s mother doesn’t leave the home- apparently even when her husband might be dying.

Where are the brothers, you might wonder? It seems there are always some children who feel the obligation to ‘care’, while the others seem to be free to let their aging parents go it alone or give them up to strangers who will do the job. That appears to be the case here. There are no helpers for Ted and Megan, no compensation and no relief workers. Just two lovely people caring for those they love. I can picture Megan’s big eyes that reveal a picture of her beautiful heart. She simply melts my heart because she is so pure and loving- so lovely.

Very recently, in fact it was the week of Christmas, Ted’s mother needed surgery in order for her to live! The doctors prepared Ted and Megan not to expect her to make it through. Each day they cared for Ted’s father and sat by his mother’s bedside while the holidays came and went with no Christmas celebrations, no special gifts and no financial compensation for the time off work that his mother had requested of Ted.

This situation may not seem like such a hardship compared to others I have witnessed and certainly Ted himself would attest that he has personally experienced worse in his own young childhood. Remember, he had learned to be strong, to buck up and to turn off. But what I have not yet told you is that Christmas week was the very same week that Megan was miscarrying their child that they had rejoiced about just a few weeks earlier. Day after day, Megan served, tended and visited others while her very self was in crisis. In the hospital bathrooms she would cramp and bleed while her Ted waited. Heroes! You too might have seen some. There they are; lingering in most hospital corridors day after day, beside oxygen masks and IV hookups, waiting- praying and giving their selves to others without ‘Thank- you’s,” without rewards, without help of any kind.

They are caregivers. They are heroes. Do you know any like them?



(The pictures on this blog were all taken by Jeff or myself. We were given the gift of being the photographers at Ted and Megan's wedding. That is, all but the first photo that we are in!)