Two Very Different Christmas'

Susan has not had the Christmas spirit this year; no, in fact, this year her brain has found it hard to retain even the fact that it is the Christmas season! The other day I heard her talking with her favorite nurse, who was making her weekly visit to Susan. Susan was complaining about the weather and wondering why it was so cold. The nurse reminded her that it was winter, to which Susan acted surprised. “What, winter already?” she questioned. There they sat together on the couch beside the Christmas tree as the nurse took the conversation a step further. “What month is it, Susan?” “May? August? I don’t know. What month is it?” Susan stumbled in her own thoughts. “Look around this room and tell me if you can figure out what month it is.” The nurse suggested. Susan looked drearily around the room, unfocused, before she gave up and told the nurse she didn’t know. Eventually the nurse pointed at the Christmas tree brightly twinkling nearby as if it were flashing clues at Susan. “Oh! December? December already?”

It is hard to watch her decline, yet the facts are undeniably there in front of us each and every day, not allowing us to forget. Sometimes I don’t even realize how much she is dwindling until I read my own journal or think of things she was able to do such a short time ago. On Christmas morning she could not even remember from one gift to the next that it was Christmas. She appeared to be overwhelmed at the generosity of the gifts and would ask why she was getting the gift- was it her birthday? Someone would say, “It is Christmas, Grandma!” and she would reply happily, “Oh! Christmas!” Until the next gift when she again would question the occasion. She even tried to give gifts away because she could not figure out why people were handing them to her. It was sad, but we all laughed with her. That- we can do.

As I think about it, I remember last year’s holidays and how different her response to the season was that short year ago. My journal entry makes it ever so clear.

Here it is from January 2009:

For the past two and a half weeks every morning has been a succession of Christmas mornings. At least Susan has thought so. Maybe it is the sight of the Christmas tree that makes her forget that Christmas was celebrated several weeks ago. But Susan doesn’t remember that. Each morning Susan arises filled with all the happy greetings, kisses and smiles that are characteristic of the morning of our Saviors’ birth. Inevitably, Susan has that childlike twinkle in her eye as she heads my way with her arms outstretched morning after morning; Her lips puckered and ready to smother me with red gooey kisses and greet me with Christmas blessings. She is just as excited about it being Christmas morning as she was yesterday and the day before. Really she is cheerier than she was when truly it was Christmas morning.

The apparent dilemma is mine: do I play along and wish her joy and cheer as she covers me with lipstick or do I stop it all before it gets into making Christmas dinner and exchanging gifts. Potentially, if I don’t stop this endless season, I could go broke before the middle of January, thus I am forced to play the Scrooge.

As the week has progressed I have gotten better at handling this misplaced cheer. I can spot a Christmas morning face from all the way across the room! Susie Q enters, smiling ear-to-ear and heads toward me with her lipstick in place and a noticeable pep in her step. From across the room I announce, “It is not Christmas morning!” At first she resented this stealing away of holiday, but as the days have gone on with the same start, it became easier for her to change her holiday tune. Eventually she has resorted to acting as though she knew that it probably wasn’t Christmas all along. Poor thing. Still, I feel like I am throwing lumps of coal into her stocking. But really Susan, the stress of The Christmas that would not end is really getting to me.