Could you care for an Alzheimer's person?

I have been asked a seemingly simple question. Is it hard taking care of an Alzheimer’s loved one at home? My answer is this: Do you have the wisdom of Solomon, the patience of Job and the heart of Mother Theresa? You really could use all three. But then again, I don’t. Honestly, I sometimes make mistakes, I sometimes feel sorry for myself, and I often get impatient with Susan and her repetitive antics. I cry, we laugh, and as we go- I grow.

I never wanted to be tested this way; it’s just seriously not much fun. Hidden among the trials however, can be found tender human moments that I could not experience in any other way. It involves that total giving of oneself to something that has not the promise of repaid dividends’.

But I lie, there is much given back to me for my bothers. There is that inward knowledge that I did what I could for someone else, that I was an important participant in another’s well being, that her life was better because I was in it (even if I am never once told so.) It is the self-awareness that I didn’t give up even when I often wanted to. I am relearning that all my worldly possessions are just worldly possessions- things that will mean nothing at all to me when my life on earth is said and done. I take joy in knowing that she is safe with me and that I am the one who tells her that I love her when there is no one else to do so. The things I might have spent my days, my years, my life about seem dwarfed and impersonal in comparison with caring for a person so vulnerable, so childlike.

And if that all seems like a bunch of hogwash, let’s look at the lighter side. My artificial plants are always watered! My house is continually secured: windows closed, curtains drawn, shades shut and doors locked (often with me outside). There is always something to do: like, sorting the dirty dishes from the clean one, mopping up messes, scrubbing missed toilet areas, finding my latest ‘missing in action’ kitchen utensils. Searching for keys (a regular around here). Explaining bizarre behaviors to enraged strangers. And, as when my children were small, I am back to picking clothes for others to wear (now, if she would just let me help her with that make-up).

Oh, let me not forget the unexpected benefits. I will forever after be grateful for any length of uninterrupted sleep that I can find. Having a quiet morning with my feet propped while I’m sipping a hot coffee feels like a romantic getaway in a mountain resort. An oasis can be something as unexpected as my own bedroom with my door carefully closed, and me locked inside. Vacations now take on new purpose with simpler expectations and less activity involved. Regular days become games of ‘Guess how old I am today’ or ‘Find the hidden purse’. I have learned to laugh when perhaps I should cry and cry when probably I should laugh. But seriously, if you’re in it for real- this is!